Going Out to Dinner

Last weekend, me and my family went out for dinner to celebrate my mom's birthday. It's sometimes hard going out in public with my dad because he has a hard time getting around in crowds, especially in places like restaurants where it's kind of packed and hard to get a walker or a wheelchair in there, which is what's easiest for him to get around in. I got there late so I wasn't able to help everyone get in and situated, but my mom does a great job of being my dad's support so he won't fall over. Usually it's my job to make sure all the kids are situated while Mom's making sure Dad's getting where he needs to go, but N and R help with P a lot so it's usually fine. 

Going out to dinner is great. Being a poor college kid, I don't go out very often, and when I do it's more often than not on the dollar menu. Not the best for my stomach. But when I get to go out with family, I more often than not order a bacon cheeseburger. It's probably one of my favorite foods. Not very ladylike, I admit, but dang. Definitely in my top 5 foods to get from a restaurant. .

So after we're done eating and we've paid the bill, we're gearing up to go. My dad brought his cane into the restaurant because it's the easiest, but it's also the least helpful when it comes to walking assistance. And since we're walking around in a tightly-packed restaurant, if he even makes one misstep it could be hurtful to him and whoever he falls on (I've been there, done that, not fun). My mom is great at letting him hold onto her and lean on her, and they've got a little system all worked out. Me and my sisters were up and out of the door, when I looked back to see how everyone was doing, and I saw them come out together. They were moving really slowly, (it had been a bad day for my dad, some days are just worse than others), and my dad looked like he was concentrating so hard to just take every little step. 

It was so hard for me to watch. I still haven't totally come to terms with the fact that he has MS, and so when I'm so bluntly reminded that things aren't how they used to be, it hurts a little. And by a little, I mean a lot sometimes, like then. It was so hard to just...stand there and watch him shuffle along, leaning on my mom heavily for every step. I wish that I could take away this unfairness, this trial that he's burdened with. It's really hard to stand there and just watch, and know that there is absolutely nothing that I can do. And I feel even worse when I think about it, because I'm the one who has the hardest time with it. My dad is okay with it, he's accepted it, and he just moves along as best as he can. He's not letting it get him down or stop him from doing anything he wants to do, which is so admirable. My mom is the same, always focusing on what my dad can do instead of what he can't, which is so brave. I know they have bad days, but I never see them. I feel like I'm much more obvious about my bad days than they are. 

Sorry for the downer post today, guys. I'm trying to have a positive attitude about everything, but some days it's harder than others, and I've had a really rough couple weeks. 

I guess on the positive side, it's a good thing my mom is so tough, huh? Or else who else would help Dad get around? A weak positive thought, but at least I could think of one. 

Until next time,

-K