Not as Happy

Finals week has given me some time to think. I'm just studying all the time and don't have any classes, so my brain likes to not focus on plants and chemistry and viruses, and instead focus on other things. I've been...comparing a lot of things in my mind lately, and figuring out what I've done wrong and how to fix it.

Last finals week, in December, I was on top of the world. I was excited for my piano recital for all my little Julliard wannabes, I was really enjoying hanging out with my roommates, I had a choir performance I was really looking forward to, and my social like was picking up a bit, and I was starting to date a really great guy. So what if it was finals week, and I had the worst head cold ever? I had a lot of other things going for me.

This semester, I've just felt...blah. I don't care about my "social life" (or more accurately, lack thereof).  I got the lowest grade I've ever gotten on a college exam this week, and it really hurt. And yeah, I had another great choir performance, but even that couldn't really lift my spirits. Things with the guy unexpectedly didn't work out, and that's been really hard. My dad is only getting worse, despite the new medications he's on. My favorite roommate is moving away in less than a week. A few of my piano kids quit "just for the summer", but we all know what that means (read: quit forever). Things just...aren't working out. I still have NO idea what I want to do with my life. And when I say NO idea, I mean NO IDEA. I'm about to graduate with a biology degree, and yet I won't have anything. Just a bunch of student loan debt and a major I don't want.

Pathetic, right? I sound like I should be on the Dr. Phil show or something, complaining about all of my problems.

Thanks for letting me vent, readers. I usually try to keep this more upbeat, but this has been on my mind lately and I can't shake it. Maybe now that I've written it all down I'll be able to focus and get some work done. Here's hoping.

-K